K Ci and Jo Jo "Come Clean"

Another Show I worked on!!! I worked on Mama Hailey and sis...and of course K Ci and Jo Jo, while they were here in the QC. Still amazes me to know that people can flip through the TV channels these days and see MY work on television. Yet and still it's more amazing that they want to question your rates! LOL *side eye* But that's another blog! Ta Ta til next time! :)

 Creative Loafing's Interview with K Ci and Jo Jo

Finally...a word on my experience in New York

I have prayed over speaking about my whole experience in New York. All I can say is that New York was a life changing experience for me. I learned so much...and not in any way that I expected to. I came back home soaked in disappointment. Close to tears every time someone even asked me about the trip. The specifics of the negative aspects are not necessary. Now that I have had time, prayer and clear thoughts to reflect on the full of the experience. It has changed my life in so many remarkable, wonderful, and fabulous ways!! God showed up in my life! Protected me like a father! Blessed me with opportunity! Showed me the true value of my life and everyone in it! I went to New York with intentions of going to the next level in my career... I had no idea that it was truly to reach the next level spiritually.

I left Charlotte with my nose in the air, unappreciative and spoiled with what it had to offer. I just knew that I had reached my limit here... I was above this silly, country, city.  The same place that offered undying support from loved ones... the same place that sowed seeds into my journey...the same place that had provided me every opportunity until then...

To arrive in New York City, a foreign place, where people barely new my name... And certainly didn't know who  I was...and more importantly, could care less. Unfamiliar territory...subways, and buses, and walking for blocks. People with hardened faces, cold spirits and bags that weighed them down. Literally and figuratively. Everybody hustlin! Just tryna make it...to the next level...a rat race. In a huge city...with huge rats! lol! Not even the pigeons there care to say excuse me, getting all up in your personal space! I had to adapt, to a cold stare, as not to show emotion or thought...not as if anyone would have cared...but not to appear weak or "country". All this to a woman who is used to strangers who say good morning! To cars that stop in the street and let you pass by as they wave. To people who know its customary and "good manners" to say please and thank you. Now I'm not saying that there were not nice people there, because there most certainly were! But the city, as a whole, was not... nice. Just so happened the woman I connected with the most, was from North Carolina! lol. I never realized how long 9 days were...until then. To be away from home...from true love. 9 days to never feel...at home. Can you imagine that half the people there are not at home...majority are not even American.

I came back to my city. To my loved ones...to the ones that love me. Truly. As I walked into MY Apartment,  just to gaze on what was mine...my friend Johnatha had put up balloons and streamers and flowers. I collapsed to the floor in tears. They were tears of joy, of frustration, of release, of thanks. That I had that! I had real friends, I had real love, I had a home. I think somewhere in the experience of New York, I almost forgot what it felt like...God reminded me. What I have here is so much greater, than anybody's idea of what success is. My appreciation is renewed and restored. God is simple, we make life hard...I am thankful...and that makes the experience more rewarding than anything a person could ever give me.

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Forgiveness...

Forgiveness is a word and act that I have been presented with in many forms over the past few months. By nature, I have been a grudge holder. Even since I was a baby! LOL! My parents told me stories of how as a baby they could do something to upset me...and I wouldn't laugh when you tickled me for weeks after! Just grunt! (Crazy huh? lol) I personally have been very careful over the years, of who I let close to me...because I know how sensitive I can be. So when one who is close to you does something to hurt you, it is truly devastating. It hurts to the core, and breaks your heart. There is nothing worse than when a friend breaks your heart...much worse than a boyfriend or girlfriend.
But as my walk with God grows closer...Forgiveness is something I am presented with over and over. And I have already stated...its challenging for me. But I have also learned more about what forgiveness is, and more importantly, what its not. It's not about letting someone back in and allowing them to hurt you over and over again. And it's not about saying you forgive when you know you still harness feelings of regret or animosity. There is no time limit on the process... it is an individual journey.

The absolute first step is to pray. Forgiveness is God's specialty! So he will give you the words and the way to approach it. The key is to address to the person who's hurt you, what they did and why it hurt you. Number one making them aware, and Two, giving them a chance to take action. That way the air is clear, communication is achieved. Sometimes people really can't see themselves, so you can't be upset with someone who is not aware of what they've done (although people pretend they don't know all the time). At least you have made them aware, so there is no room for assumption on either side. If the person is not there...then tell God!
Once it's off your mind, it can be off your heart. You have to let it go...that is forgiveness!!! Not continuing to dwell on what they've done...no matter how bad it is!!! It is much easier said than done! And sometimes this process can takes days, weeks, months or years... pray about it daily until the burden of it is lifted.
I think the last aspect of this is where people get it mixed up, I know I did! Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you have to let someone back into your personal space, or into the same position they were in...it just means that you are no longer dwelling on the past. Ready to move forward, with no ill feeling towards them. Forgiveness is not about making someone else FEEL forgiven...its about giving the issues up to God, and loving in spite of. When you can smile and have peace about an unpleasant situation, and know that love is in you. But make wise decisions as to where to keep people in your life, after they've hurt you. The forgiveness is not about them...it is totally and completely about YOU!!!


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